Boarding school separation

There is a real difficulty with this subject. The difficulty is that the person who has been sent away may well be a high achiever in many areas especially at work and socially. There may be no indication to the sufferer or those around them that they may encounter emotional and relational difficulties.

However, the fact that you are reading this may mean that you may have suffered from being sent away to school or that you know or are related to someone who was sent away. In my experience the impact on a child of being sent away to school at a young age or otherwise against their will is traumatic.

The likelihood is that you will have been separated from your parents at a very young age: an age when a child might reasonably expect, and trust, his parents to be lovingly available, on a permanent basis, during their early experience of life. Experiences that will to a large degree shape how they understand and are able to relate to themselves and others.

A child who has been sent away to school will have been put in a position where they have had to cope on their own and without having been prepared for what amounts to a significant loss in their lives. You may also have suffered from abuse: including bullying, sexual, physical and emotional abuse.

You may have had to learn how to cope with life away at school, possibly isolated and alone. You may now be someone who is adept at fitting in with their surroundings, a real people person who ‘gets on’ with everyone’ but finds it difficult to believe that you are equally liked.

In the present it may be that you have found it difficult to relate to others emotionally and to believe that you are loveable. You may have found it difficult to support others in a loving way when they are in need. You may have been told that you are closed down. You may also be prone to addictions including alcohol, drugs, pornography and others that help to numb the pain that you endured as a child in being sent away by your mother and father: an unrequited pain that remains buried in your past but which may affect your present.

In working together I would like us to be able to create a strong therapeutic bond that will enable us to explore how life works for you in the present and what problems you are encountering. We would look at how long you have been aware of problems and also where they may have come from. A relationship that will allow the creation of a very real non-judgemental trust within which you feel comfortable enough to look at the impact on you and your life of being separated from your parents. I would hope that our work would enable you to become authentically the person you want to be and free yourself from the effect of boarding school separation.

Telephone: 07702 155267 | david@cheltenhamcounsellor.co.uk

I practice from Cheltenham serving much of Gloucestershire with Cirencester, Stroud, Gloucester, Tewkesbury and Northleach all within 30 minutes travel time by car.

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